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There is a table with two chairs, a microphone, a pitcher of water and a glass. There are also various teeth and jawbones displayed on the table, some real, others fake. The man enters, crawling, while relaxing music plays. He reaches the table in the center of the stage, and takes a seat. The music stops and he speaks into the microphone.
Man:
Thank you. Thank you. You are too kind. Really. Alright. Thank you. Please. Be seated. Thank you so much. You make me feel very welcome here. Truly, from the bottom of my heart-organ, thank you. Oh, no. Well, unfortunately, it seems that I don’t have my notes in front of me, or wait… nope, nothing.
The assistant enters while the man is speaking. She is also bound and in a blindfold, crawling to the table. She takes a seat and feels for the pitcher and glass. Throughout the man’s monologue, she pours water into the glass and then interrupts him by offering him water. He slams his fist on the table and ignores her. She sips the water and spits it back into the pitcher only to pour it back in the glass and offer it again.
Man:
Well, if you would all indulge me, I’d like to briefly extemporize on a few issues that have lately been of great concern to me, and, I’m sure, to many of you as well. Thank you. Really, that’s too much now. We’ll all be dead very soon. That’s enough. What? No! Never! The outcome, I’d like to say, of an ancient sibilance, vibrating the plates on the table and making quite a mess. Think about it this way, alright? No, just be quiet and think about it this way. If you were given a tongue — yes, you. Which reminds me, I’m sure you remember all those times. Just stop fidgeting and take a moment to notice that warm lump of flesh in your mouth. That wet, smelly tool you wiggle and wag and roll and you must conclude — yes, you! Who else would I be talking to? To what better uses might such an instrument be put? Clean up the place, keep misled sea-creatures damp in the suffocating dryness, pleasure yourself and others. These are only the ideas that come to my mind, I don’t seem to have the exact figures with me. Or what about teeth? Aren’t they different and important also? I’m sorry, should I go on? Are you busy, or do you have a minute? Do you remember how every time you got scared and cried you lost a tooth — yes, you — and now you have a mouth full of new teeth that are solid memories you can caress anytime you wish. Ivory capsules, storage containers, sediments of your growth, your own architecture, a fort, a mansion, a hostel, a cave, an average home with a front door, plumbing, termites, asbestos, patios, a second floor…
The man suddenly drops the microphone with a loud thud. The man and the assistant both stand suddenly, remove their blindfolds and hop off stage.
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